Structured Conversation Guide — Interest-Based, Repair-Focused

Purpose

A practical facilitator’s script for a 30–45 minute conversation that focuses on facts, impact, interests, and durable agreements. Designed for peer-to-peer or manager-led conversations.

Before you begin

• Book 30–45 minutes in a private space. Say it’s a check-in to talk about a recent issue and learn how to work better together.
• Prepare 2–3 concrete examples of observable behavior (what, when, where).
• Decide your desired outcome (repair, changed behavior, clearer expectations) and one fallback option.

Conversation structure (approx. timing)

1. Opening (2–3 min)

   Goal: set a collaborative tone and request permission to proceed.

   Script: "Thanks for taking the time. I want to check in about something I’ve noticed and see how we can work better together. I’m not here to blame — I want to understand what happened and find a way forward. Is it okay if I share what I’ve seen and then hear your view?"

2. Facts (5–8 min)

   Goal: surface observable events without interpretation.

   Script: "Here’s what I observed: [specific example, date/time]. Can you tell me how you see that?"

   Facilitator tip: If the other person becomes defensive, calmly return to facts and ask clarifying questions. Avoid making attributions about motives.

3. Impact (5 min)

   Goal: explain how these facts affected work, team, or relationship.

   Script: "When X happened, the impact I noticed was Y: [missed deadline, confusion, team stress]. I’m concerned this will affect [project/outcome]."

4. Interests & Needs (8–12 min)

   Goal: surface each person’s underlying interests, needs, or constraints.

   Questions: "What were you trying to achieve? What prevented that? What do you need to feel you can work well on this?"

   Facilitator tip: Repeat back key points to confirm understanding: "So what I’m hearing is..."

5. Options & Agreement (8–10 min)

   Goal: co-create small, testable experiments and clear commitments.

   Process: Brainstorm 2–3 concrete options. Choose one (or a combo). Define who will do what, by when, and how you will observe progress.

   Script: "Would you be willing to try X for the next two weeks and then check back with me on [date]? If it’s not working, we’ll try a different approach."

6. Close & Follow-up (2–3 min)

   Goal: restate the agreement, confirm next check-in, and end on a constructive note.

   Script: "To summarize, we agreed to [actions]. We’ll check in on [date] for 15 minutes. Thank you for talking honestly — I appreciate your perspective."

Sample phrases

• "Help me understand what happened from your perspective."
• "I noticed [behavior]. What was going on for you at that time?"
• "What would need to change for you to feel good about working on this together?"
• "Can we agree to X and try it for Y weeks, then review?"

Common difficulties and how to handle them

• If the other person becomes angry: stay calm, name the emotion, and ask to pause and return when both are ready.
• If one person denies the facts: offer to share the examples again and invite their version; if disagreement persists, agree on a way to collect neutral data (emails, logs).
• If power dynamics prevent openness: consider a neutral facilitator or bring in HR early.

Trainer notes

Practice this script in roleplays before using it live. Short sprints with clear agreements beat long investigations. Use curiosity and specificity as your guiding principles.